By 
I know I am more irritable since about day 75 of quarantine life.
The SITUATION (like the guy on Jersey Shore, haha): It was Sunday morning and I was on the couch enjoying my hot morning coffee. My husband went upstairs and got Milo around 7:30am. They sat together on the other couch. Milo was drinking his bottle and my husband had his coffee. Ah, so peaceful. So lovely. After about three minutes of this enjoyable moment, Milo put his bottle right in my husbands coffee mug. It fit perfectly, of course. Right away my husband looked at me and said “babe, can you go grab some paper towel?” Now, usually I would jump up, go get paper towel and help clean up. But, out of nowhere, I just said “no.” LOL. My husband looked shocked and I think he said something like “are you serious?” And, I said “Yes! Just grab some kleenex. It is right beside you.” And, began my rant. I said something along the lines of…
“I am home alone with Milo 5 out of 7 days. I deal with these situations on my own all day. So, I find myself getting irritated when we’re both home and something happens and you instantly ask for my help. Because, I know you can deal with it on your own but, because I’m here it’s easy to just ask me for help. I don’t mind helping but, I want you to understand the kinds of things I deal with all day, on my own. For example, when you change Milo’s diaper and it’s a big poop and he’s squirming around, you always say ‘Babe, can you come here for a second?’ And, I always go and help. But, in the back of my mind, I’m irritated because I have to do this on my own all the time.”
I am happy I brought this up today. While I understand why he is asking for help, I also want him to experience what I deal with all day. It’s one thing to explain to someone what you do all day but, I think it hits a little different when they experience it themselves. Another situation that I can think of is when we are outside with Milo on the front porch and he throws his toys down the stairs and onto the driveway. I specifically remember this happening and my husband asking me to go get the toy. I went and got it but, in the back of my mind I was like “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GOD DAMN TIMES I LUG MILO DOWN THOSE STAIRS TO GO GET THE TOYS AND LUG HIM BACK UP?” Whilst sweating my ass off. I would get great pleasure out of watching my husband do this. And, maybe that makes me sick in the head because I want him to suffer too. I mean, I love him but, this is how I feel.
Quarantine has been really hard for me and I have an insane amount of respect for moms and dads who stay at home with babies and toddlers. It is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. Quarantine has been even more so difficult because we were primarily stuck in the house. No swimming lessons, no libraries, no socializing, no shopping. And, just to really f*ck us over, the weather was usually rainy or 900 degrees.
So, no. I’m not going to get you paper towel. I’m going to sit here and enjoy my coffee while you address that bottle in the mug situation.
Steph
July 13, 2020Oh my goodness 100% yes! I was just explaining this to my husband the other day. When he wants to take our daughter out to play I either get everything ready for him or entertain her while he gets it ready. I don’t get that luxury 90% of the time. Don’t get me wrong he is an amazing partner and dad but I still get jealous that its easier for him lol. Quarantine definitely makes it worse too! Great post!
Mona
July 13, 2020Absolutely right!
I know I ignore those feelings or just help when it’s asked for cause I think oh he’s been working all day and I want him to have a positive experience with our son. But I work too! We are parenting all day and sometimes all night! I need to start saying “No, you get the paper towel”.
Holly
November 8, 2020This is SO relatable. When I saw the TikTok u did on it, I was all . While I get he works hard outside of the house, he’s still a parent when he gets home. I’m a sahm by choice & it’s not always awesome. I said it. It’s OK. However I also want him to feel my daily pains & struggles like come ON! U can do it all by urself, let me see ya do it?!? Eehhhh!! I had to with lyric once it started coming out I do help as u said but I don’t always want or enjoy to & im learning to be ok with it too. Maybe
Olivia
July 13, 2020Yes!! It was the most validating thing the other day when my husband watched our baby alone for 3 hours, and was like “it’s really tiring watching him!” I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that from him, I instantly felt so seen and appreciated.
I don’t want to sound like it’s the bash-husband club, but I do think it’s like you said, it’s one thing to hear about it, and another thing to experience it.
Kelsey
July 13, 2020I identify with this HARD.
I want to watch my husband struggle just a liiiiiitle bit. It’s not a great colour on me, but it is what it is. This is how I feel.
Thank you for your candor and openness. Reading anything you write makes me so much less alone.
Daisy
July 13, 2020OMG yes, specially on the weekends when he just sits on the couch and I still run a around after our LO, like I get you work all
Week and need a break, but when is my break, my routine never changes
Ali
July 13, 2020I feel this post deep in my bones. I don’t mind helping but the help isn’t reciprocated most of the time. I am generally good at keeping my cool but the amount of times I get asked for help during a work day is ridiculous. Currently I am working from home. My partner isn’t so when we are both home even if I am working he still asks for help. I am not afforded the same luxury when he is working cause he isn’t home. He doesn’t balance work and parenting at the same time and that’s not an item I can have him experience.
Mel
July 13, 2020Relatable
Alicea
July 13, 2020TRUTH! I feel this way every day! My husband is great at watching our daughter for an hour here or there but even the suggestion of him being alone with her for more than a few hours is terrifying to him!
Even when he watches her for a while he doesn’t need to deal with dishes, laundry, bottles etc at the same time and there is always a mess of toys and pile of dirty cloths left behind him.
Shannon
July 22, 2020Absolutely! When I saw the title of your last podcast I was excited to listen and it certainly didn’t disappoint. I work through the night and then home with my son all day. So when my partner asks for help with something that I have done over and over by myself I get annoyed. Thank you for this, I feel less alone in being annoyed
Davyana Harris
August 7, 2020OMG I love this 100%!! I’m in the same situation, my daughter is 3 years old and has been home since February. She was a Preemie and we are scare to send her back to daycare but HONEYYYYY I AM TIREDDDDDD lol!