Bake with me and hear me talk my thoughts 😂

Bake with me and hear...

Sock on, boots on, coat on, granola bar, and Shrek to save the day!

Sock on, boots on, coat...

Today Milo wore his PJ shirt that slept in lastnight to daycare. And you know what? He had the best day ever. No accidents, happy as a pig in sh*t, ate his dinner (I was shooketh), lovely bath and bed time. 

My point is... wearing a PJ shirt doesn’t matter at the end of the day. We also didn’t have a raging tantrum or miserable morning because I didn’t force him to change his shirt. Makes for a better day overall when you choose your battles and don’t stress about sh*t that really doesn’t matter. 

Maybe one day I’ll have to fight him to get dressed. Like, when he refuses to put on his coat and it’s -20C. Today wasn’t that day... and that’s okay. ❤️

Today Milo wore his PJ...

The Mom Room Podcast 🎙

EP55. Shootin\' The Sh*t with Alexandra & Shane Cunningham @thisfamilytree @shanedaddy83 

EP55. Renee, Shane, and Alexandra sit down for a hilarious conversation about marriage, babies, date nights, and reality TV! Grab yourself a beverage and settle in for a laugh. #themomroompodcast

The Mom Room Podcast 🎙...

The more time we (okay, mostly my husband) spend in the kitchen making a meal, the more Milo says “NO! YUCK!” when we put his plate down in front of him. I’ve collected the data and done the calculations. The correlation is positive, strong, and significant (r = 0.97, p < .001).

The more time we (okay,...

The Mom Room Book Club: 

January’s Book is How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids by @janceedunn. It’s really a great read whether you have kids or not. So much valuable information with regard to communication and how to have a healthy romantic relationship!

We do our book club posts in The Mom Room Community (on Facebook). We also release a book club podcast every month where @jenduhams and I chat about that month’s book. #bookclub #themomroombookclub

The Mom Room Book Club:...

This is so fun. 
Please share yours in the comments. 
I am Lady Rand Kyle Waterton of RDX 😂


This is so fun. Please...

I always go full speed/non stop all day. Today I made myself sit the f*ck down all afternoon and watch Bridgerton. It was lovely. Instead of rushing to make (and probably ruin) a dinner that Milo most likely wouldn’t eat, I decided it was gonna be a McDonald’s day. It’s so satisfying to put something in front of him that he’s excited about and gobbles up. Yesterday it was mango. Today it’s a cheeseburger and fries 😃 

I always go full speed/non...

No, We’re Not Trying For a Second: A New Kind of Mom Guilt.

Are you guys trying for a second?

It’s literally one of the first things people ask new parents. Like, our lives have just been turned upside down by this tiny human. We don’t even know what day it is or what we’re going to eat for our next meal, and you think we’ve already decided to give this baby thing another go?? I know some people have it set in their minds before they have their first babe, that they want a second, or third, or fourth, etc. I can’t say I ever felt that way. Ten years ago I would have told you that I didn’t want any babes. I was too focused on everything I wanted to accomplish. But, once I was well into my PhD program, had travelled my face off, and was settled in an awesome long-term relationship (shout out to my baby Daddy!), it felt like the next step was to have a babe we could give all our love to. We tried getting a second dog, but that just didn’t do it for us (sorry, Bubbles).

I grew up with an older brother and younger sister. We are all four years apart. My Mom had the right idea there. When one babe went off to kindergarten, she had the next babe. The benefit of doing it that way is you have only the one babe at home during the day. The downside of spreading out your babes is that you are basically in the “baby stage” for YEARS! I can’t imagine. I had my first child at 34 years old (my Mom had my brother at age 22). If I spread out my babes like my Mom did, I’d be waiting till I’m 38 to have a second. If you think I’m going to wait till I’m 38 to have another babe, you’re looney toons. Not that I don’t think people should have babies at 38 years old, but, I just don’t see us going through this whole baby rigamarole again in four years time. And I know people change their mind about these things and there’s sometimes surprise babes (yikes). Watch, now I’m gonna have a second babe on my 38th birthday just because I wrote this blog. FML.

Over the last few months I’ve been reflecting on why I initially thought we would have a second babe when Milo was a year old or so. The first couple months with Milo were (dare I say it) pretty easy. I mean, at that age he didn’t move, he slept most of the time, rarely cried, and I was focused on figuring out all the baby stuff, and doing everything in my power to heal quickly so I could at least sit comfortably again. So, I wasn’t my usual busy-body self that just wants to go-go-go and do-do-do. I should also add that my husband and I had a genius (in my opinion) sleep routine. Keep in mind I was no longer exclusively breastfeeding at this time (oh my god, you what??!!) so, my husband was able to feed Milo.

 “By saying I didn’t want a second, I felt like people thought I must not enjoy being a Mom.”

For many weeks, I would go to bed around 6:00pm and sleep a glorious sleep until about midnight. That is a solid six hours of sleep my friends. Then, my husband (who is naturally more of a night owl) would put our Hunny in the bassinet beside our bed for the night and for the rest of the night when he woke I would breastfeed and/or bottle feed. Milo would sometimes breastfeed for forty-five minutes on each side (ya… let that sink in). Then, he’d have to be changed, and he’d usually pee all over himself while we changed him. After cleaning all that up, sometimes I would pump which is a whole other dog and pony show. So, I wasn’t sleeping much after midnight which is why I did the solid six hours before. This routine saved my life.

During this time I thought to myself, “yeah, I’d have another Hunny”. I think my husband was indifferent at the time (he’s an only child, FYI) but I could have persuaded him either way, I’m sure. Fast forward to our Hunny being four, five, six months old. My mindset about having a second babe was shifting. I was fully healed and back to being a busy-body, Milo was on the move, structured naps and bedtime became a thing, he started eating solids. Having a babe went from zero to 100 real quick (finally got a Drake reference in). I started to realize that I didn’t want a second babe (the horror!!).

Insert weird and unexpected #momguilt here. 

I started to notice that I felt weird saying “no” when people asked if we wanted a second. And, it’s not that I don’t think people should ask that question. I mean, I ask people that question! Maybe don’t ask it in the first few months when parents are trying to figure out their new life. But once the dust settles, it’s a fair question. After having decided that we didn’t want a second, when I was asked, instead of just saying “no, we don’t”, I’d say something like “oh, I don’t think so… we’ll see” because it sounded less harsh than a flat out “nope”. Then I started to think about why I felt like I couldn’t just say “no”. What was this feeling I felt? Ahhhhh, it was guilt. Classic.

Just because you don’t want two… doesn’t mean you don’t LOVE having one.

Now, why would I feel guilt saying we didn’t want a second? Obviously I started to think about this because that’s what I do. I love thinking about why I feel something in certain situations. Nerd alert! I realized that saying “no, we don’t want a second”, made me feel like people would assume I must not enjoy being a Mom. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I love being Milo’s Mom. He’s my number one priority in life. And I am fully aware that many of you reading this are probably thinking “I’d never assume someone didn’t enjoy being a parent just because they don’t want a second child.” I understand that. But, that is how I felt. And to be honest, Milo has been a really good baby. He rarely cries and he’s super happy and chill almost all the time. It’s not like we had some traumatic experiences that scared us into not wanting a second. I wonder if people who don’t want any kids at all feel weird when they’re asked if they are ever going to have kids. Personally, I found it was worse when it was someone asking who has multiple kids. Because, I wonder if they feel like I’m saying “I see what you have… and I don’t want that.” It’s such a weird thing. And yes, everyone is different and what works for one family doesn’t work for another yadda yadda, I know. But, I still think about these things.

Sometimes I feel bad for not having more babes… because I think we’re awesome parents. But, just because you can do something well… doesn’t mean it’s what you should do.

You’re going to be those parents at the park who have to go play with their kid.

If there is one argument about having a second child that gives me pause, it is that Milo won’t have a brother or a sister. It does make me a little sad that he won’t have a sibling (unless I have that surprise baby on my 38th birthday of course), but, does it make me sad enough to actually have a second? I don’t think so. Whose to say he’d even enjoy having a sibling, that they’d get along later in life and be close… who knows!? I know many parents feel guilt after having a second because they are no longer giving 100% of their attention to the first. I get that. I can’t imagine dividing my attention between two babes right now. I already feel guilty when I put Milo in his pack and play so I can get dishes done or vacuum. Milo is only one and both my husband and I can’t wait for him to be at an age where he’ll be excited to go on vacation, or see The Wiggles live (we’ve debated buying tickets this year several times but, decided to wait till he’s older. I think we both secretly just want to go). I am also looking forward to finishing this PhD thing and starting some sort of career/passion project. I’m not yet where I want to be, so it is hard to imagine having more babes and delaying all these things further. Is that selfish? When I read that sentence it makes me wonder if I’m selfish. But, why would that be selfish. We have one babe, we give him 100%. I always say he’s the luckiest boy in the world. So, why is NOT wanting something (second babe) that doesn’t even exist so you can do more for yourself and your family be selfish? Isn’t it such a weird thing!!

I’ll end this post with the most hilarious advice I received from a cousin (who had three babes under three years old). She was trying to sell me on having more kids by pointing out that if I have multiple, I won’t have to spend all my time playing with Milo. “You’re going to be those parents at the park who have to go play with their kid.” HAHAHA. Can’t argue with that one.

XOXO Renee Reina
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  • Mimi
    September 29, 2019

    I hear you! We decided we would have only one and have no regrets or second thoughts about that decision. And he’s done us proud.

  • Carla
    June 25, 2020

    I’m a mom of three and so funny…the thing I was shouting in my head the entire time I was reading this, was what your cousin said!! Lol! My three year olds idea of fun games for mommy are just, well -the worst. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have her older brother to distract and play with her. 0, 1,2,3,…7 all have rewards and challenges. It’s about what you can handle and think is best! ♥️

  • Kelly
    August 6, 2020

    Same! I’m so happy to find this post because it doesn’t seem to be a popular topic. For a while I struggled with the societal pressure to have more than one child but deep down I know that I’m done at one, and I’m content with that decision.

Maternity Leave is Over… Now What?
No, We’re Not Trying For a Second: A New Kind of Mom Guilt.