Oh Yeah, I’ve Been Living in a Pandemic for a Year.

I started my Master’s program in September of 2008. Almost a year ago, in March of 2020, I defended my PhD dissertation and “graduated”. I write graduated in quotations because I never had an actual graduation. The whole thing was very anti-climactic. Sometimes I forget that I have my PhD and that I actually finished the program. Days after I defended, Ontario went into a full blown quarantine. Congratulations on finishing your PhD! You get to live in house jail with your toddler. 

It’s funny because when we were in that first quarantine that lasted about 5 months, I remember thinking how when daycares open back up and life is back to normal, I would be so thankful to have had these months at home with Milo. And it’s true. Some days were really hard. Some days were really great. I still have cognitive dissonance when I think about it. While it was difficult and exhausting and I just wished it would end, it was also such a unique experience that we will never have again. I will never be home alone for 5 months with an 18-month old Milo. 

For weeks now, I find myself getting into “blah moods”. I don’t know how to describe what this mood feels like. It’s a bunch of feelings and emotions all at once and it kinda freezes me. I feel restless, irritated, bored, tired,