Bake with me and hear me talk my thoughts 😂

Bake with me and hear...

Sock on, boots on, coat on, granola bar, and Shrek to save the day!

Sock on, boots on, coat...

Today Milo wore his PJ shirt that slept in lastnight to daycare. And you know what? He had the best day ever. No accidents, happy as a pig in sh*t, ate his dinner (I was shooketh), lovely bath and bed time. 

My point is... wearing a PJ shirt doesn’t matter at the end of the day. We also didn’t have a raging tantrum or miserable morning because I didn’t force him to change his shirt. Makes for a better day overall when you choose your battles and don’t stress about sh*t that really doesn’t matter. 

Maybe one day I’ll have to fight him to get dressed. Like, when he refuses to put on his coat and it’s -20C. Today wasn’t that day... and that’s okay. ❤️

Today Milo wore his PJ...

The Mom Room Podcast 🎙

EP55. Shootin\' The Sh*t with Alexandra & Shane Cunningham @thisfamilytree @shanedaddy83 

EP55. Renee, Shane, and Alexandra sit down for a hilarious conversation about marriage, babies, date nights, and reality TV! Grab yourself a beverage and settle in for a laugh. #themomroompodcast

The Mom Room Podcast 🎙...

The more time we (okay, mostly my husband) spend in the kitchen making a meal, the more Milo says “NO! YUCK!” when we put his plate down in front of him. I’ve collected the data and done the calculations. The correlation is positive, strong, and significant (r = 0.97, p < .001).

The more time we (okay,...

The Mom Room Book Club: 

January’s Book is How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids by @janceedunn. It’s really a great read whether you have kids or not. So much valuable information with regard to communication and how to have a healthy romantic relationship!

We do our book club posts in The Mom Room Community (on Facebook). We also release a book club podcast every month where @jenduhams and I chat about that month’s book. #bookclub #themomroombookclub

The Mom Room Book Club:...

This is so fun. 
Please share yours in the comments. 
I am Lady Rand Kyle Waterton of RDX 😂

@indianapolismoms 
.................
#bridgerton

This is so fun. Please...

I always go full speed/non stop all day. Today I made myself sit the f*ck down all afternoon and watch Bridgerton. It was lovely. Instead of rushing to make (and probably ruin) a dinner that Milo most likely wouldn’t eat, I decided it was gonna be a McDonald’s day. It’s so satisfying to put something in front of him that he’s excited about and gobbles up. Yesterday it was mango. Today it’s a cheeseburger and fries 😃 
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@mcdonaldscanada

I always go full speed/non...

Postpartum Anxiety: Because There’s Not Enough Sh*t to Deal With After Having a Baby

If you’re like me, you’ve heard so much about postpartum depression and NOTHING about postpartum anxiety. It blows my mind that I had (pre-pregnancy) and still have anxiety, have taken anxiety medication for years (shout out to Citalopram!), hold a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and soon to be doctorate degree in psychology, read multiple pregnancy books, and I had NEVER heard or seen the words “postpartum anxiety”. Until I googled it during my first week home with Milo. How is this possible? After doing some reading, I realized that postpartum anxiety is extremely common. Many people reading this are probably like “well sh*t, that would have been nice to know.” I know! That’s why I’m writing this.

“nobody wants to be the Mom that isn’t in pure #blessed mode all day every day after giving birth”

The worst part about postpartum depression and/or anxiety (because you can have both) is that it happens POSTPARTUM. First of all, you just birthed a human and your body is healing PHYSICALLY from that trauma. Yes, of course, oh my god, it’s such a beautiful moment, roses and sunsets… come on… imagine someone getting in an accident where they had bodily harm equivalent to that of giving birth. I dunno, a small bowling ball fell out of them or something. Do you think they’d be sent home within 24 hours to feed and care for a newborn? I highly doubt it. Especially if that person were a man (seriously though). I’m convinced that if men had babies, the pre-natal and post-natal care would be out of this world. I’m talking government funded pelvic floor physio throughout pregnancy and postpartum (why isn’t this a thing?), and continuous postpartum care (not just a 6-week check up to make sure your insides aren’t falling out). I remember going to Milo’s first doctors appointment a few days after he was born and I couldn’t physically sit down on the hard chair in the waiting room. I can’t believe they expect women to just get up and go a couple days after giving birth. It’s brutal. Given that I just went on a mini rant, I will say my point here is that you are going through so many physical issues at this time, that it’s a real slap in the face to then also struggle with anxiety and/or depression. Second, nobody wants to be the Mom that isn’t in pure #blessed mode all day every day after giving birth. I think Moms feel this pressure to always be showing how unbelievably happy and in love with their baby they are. Everything is so great and she couldn’t be happier. So, so, so in love. Meanwhile, her nipples are swollen and bleeding, it physically hurts to sit down, it takes her 15 minutes to go pee (god forbid she has to go #2… it’s terrifying!), she hasn’t slept well in days, her body doesn’t feel like her own, she is stressed about breastfeeding, the babes latch, and can’t figure out the god damn pump, oh, and she’s basically in uncomfortable diapers during all this. As if this is in’t enough sh*t to deal with… let’s top it off with some anxiety. And what’s worse than having anxiety? Having anxiety but pretending you’re fine and not talking about it because if you do then people are going to think you can’t handle being a Mom, or your child must not be getting the proper care and love… because their Mom is anxious and having a hard time. Right?

My postpartum anxiety was short lived. And, maybe so because I wasn’t afraid or ashamed to talk about it and I was familiar with what anxiety feels like for me. Keep in mind I was taking Citalopram through all this. Maybe my anxiety would have been much worse without it. My postpartum anxiety was a sneaky little b*tch. All day I would be busy chatting with family, breastfeeding, and tending to my wounds (haha). It was sunny outside and Milo would sleep most of the day beside me, or in his bassinet while I dilly dallied around the house or watched Netflix (#blessed). But then, every evening, right around 7:00pm, after we’d eaten dinner, family had left, Milo was asleep, the house was quiet and it was starting to get dark outside, anxiety would set in. It felt like the world was about to end, but I was the only one who knew about it. My husband and I would be laying on the couch watching our usual shows, and I would just cry for about an hour. I had no idea why.

It is hard to describe what anxiety physically feels like to someone who hasn’t experienced it. This is how I explain it: you know when you’re driving and the person in front of you slams on their brakes and then you slam on your brakes. Think about those couple seconds your body is anticipating a car accident. Really think about this brief moment, and the physical reaction your body would have during those couple seconds. A heaviness flushes throughout your body but at the same time you feel weightless and uneasy. Now imagine that feeling just lingering in your body. It doesn’t dissipate as it would in the driving scenario once you realize you’re not going to hit the car in front of you. Having this feeling is annoying when you’re about to speak in public, or get some embarrassing exam done at the doctors… but… you expect it then. You know why you’re feeling that way, and there is an end in sight to that feeling. This feeling is even more annoying when you’re literally chilling on the couch with your husband watching Wheel of Fortune. I mean, no offence Pat and Vanna, but your show isn’t THAT thrilling.

It was like clockwork. Every evening the anxiety showed up. After a few days I started googling “postpartum anxiety”. I research everything. It’s what I do. Just seeing that postpartum anxiety was an actual thing, and that there were articles written about it, I felt better. Fast forward to our next doctors appointment. Of course there was a medical student working with my doctor at this visit, because this was the one visit where I didn’t have my sh*t together. In fact my sh*t was very undone. “Hi Renee, how is Milo? How has everything been going?” Cue ugly sobbing and tears. Just explaining how I was feeling every evening made me feel better. My doctor had young children of her own and shared that when they were newborn, she too felt anxiety in the evenings when the sun would start going down. “It’s just something about it being night time and dark” she said. They assured me that these feelings were completely normal and would likely dissipate within a week or two, but if they did not to make another appointment.

“It felt like the world was about to end, but I was the only one who knew about it.”

I remember thinking “this is common and normal??” I bet it’s even more common than doctors think because I’m sure there are many women who keep it to themselves. That is heartbreaking. I know for me, when I feel anxious, just saying it out loud to someone makes me feel better. Acknowledging how you feel and thinking about why you may feel that way is so beneficial. Like, “yep, I am anxious AF right now… f*ck you mind and corresponding physical reactions.”

How are you feeling right now? Go tell someone. Maybe they’re feeling the same way. #blessedandanxious

XOXO Renee Reina

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4 Comments
  • Sara
    May 20, 2020

    Looking back (I have an almost 1 1/2 year old son) I definitely had postpartum anxiety… and like you, did not see it coming because I had no fucking idea that it was even a thing.

    It’s so interesting that you found it to be so much worse in the evenings . I experienced this too! It’s like the whole “sundowners” thing with elderly people getting especially confused when the sun goes down….it’s so interesting to me. I bet they’ll find at his detail common in the future.

    Really? My baby came out of a place I literally have to sit on, I’m terrified to take a shit, AND now I lose my mind when the sun goes down?!?Oh, and keep the baby alive (and happy, otherwise you’re a “bad mom”) It’s a fucking lot for a person all at once…

  • Sheena Evans
    June 27, 2020

    This poste SPEAKS TO ME! My son is 16 months old, he’s my first. For a full 2 weeks after birth (almost to the day) I had such crazy anxiety. And it intensified at night / evening so much! When visitors had left for the day, I’d be on the couch with my partner just crying. Couldn’t stop, couldn’t explain it. I had no appetite either because I was just so anxious. (That came back with a vengeance though! Lol)
    And you’re totally right.. you feel a little better even after just telling someone “I’m super anxious right now” or “I have so much anxiety!”. BUT you’re also right when you said that it feels like if you tell people they’ll be thinking “oh she can’t the baby” or “I hope the baby is getting the love it needs!”.

    Thank you for writing this. I cant believe how exact same my experience was.

  • Claudia
    June 27, 2020

    This is amazing!

    Thank you for writing about this!

    Yes, the anxiety women go through after giving birth is not talked about much. I know I went through some anxiety myself. It also would start right before the night, I just didn’t know if the baby was going to sleep well. Burping, gave me anxiety.. and through out the day remembering I had to make sure I ate. Having people come over gave me anxiety. It was the weirdest, unfamiliar feeling.

    To any women I know, I try to reach out to them and let them know.. “Hey, feel free to text in the late hours. I know it’s not easy.”

    I was blessed to have a friend that also had a baby a week after I did that helped understand so much about the journey.

  • Courtney
    June 27, 2020

    This speaks to me on so many levels – I have a 17 month old and for the first 6 months I struggled heavily with PPD but mostly PPA. It was the hardest months of my life. I had an emergency C-Section – and swear I had some PTSD from that too. All in all I didn’t have that instant love for this new beautiful baby boy I had bonded with for the past 10 months inside of me. I was ashamed to talk about it at first because surrounding me were women who fell in love instantly and seemed born to be mothers.

    I’ve also struggled since I was 16 with anxiety/depression. I tried to tell my psychiatrist I was feeling depressed and anxious – more than what felt normal – but was met with a “use your tool box” type conversation. So I unfortunately went through my whole journey off meds.

    I too am considered “high functioning” as I have a bachelors degree in nursing. And have always just powered through the storms. This storm seemed much harder than the rest.

    I wish there was less stigma and I have since spoken up about it. And if there is a next one will advocate more heavily for myself.

    And I agree with you – postnatal care needs to be more than a 6 week checkup for your vagina. We need mental health checks too!

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